The Coming 2011

As the new year approaches, I find myself longing for a change in the way I deal with life, the world, my household, and my ministry to others. The overall theme, I believe, would have to be "simplification." I've wrestled for so long with aspects of my personality that combine to keep me immobilized more often than not. I've been the woman of the bright ideas that never materialize, the woman of great potential who never figures out how to finish things that get started. My mind is all over the place, and part of that has to do with non-acceptance of myself as God knows and wants me to be. I've struggled too much with trying to measure up to the standards of the world and the expectations of other people I view as important. Sure, I might have an I.Q., the education, or ability to be some high-powered leader in this field or that, but the reality is that I don't want to be. Those sorts of pursuits don't make me happy, don't allow for my physical and psychical limitations, and just don't matter enough to be consuming so much of my thought processes.

So, what does really matter to me? What's critical and worthy of my attention and dedication? When I really think about it with a clear head, the answer's pretty easy: 1) my relationship with God; 2) attending to my physical and mental health; 3) the health and overall well-being of my children; 4) making prudent choices in regard to my future; 5) doing meaningful work by helping others most in need. Paring it all down to those five areas means there's also a list of things I need to let fall by the wayside. Even though this might not be easy for me to implement, I can pretty easily come up with a list of things that definitely need to go, or need to take up a lot less of my time and attention: 1) time spent online without purpose; 2) involving myself in things that aren't my purview and/or areas of strength; 3) reading or listening to things that never fail to get me agitated to the point of perseverating and giving time over to response (such as political commentary); 4) starting new, time-consuming ventures, and purchasing items in support of them, on a whim.

This is a good start. Following my own guidelines, as they're listed above, feels very right, and is in keeping with my self-imposed goal of simplifying life. I feel confident that I will achieve more in the way of those things that make me feel spiritually grounded and successful in the eyes of my Father if I follow this plan. He's shown me what truly matters to Him, and why He put me here. If I listen to His voice (which I'm learning more and more how to recognize), I know He'll make my paths clear. He'll provide for me all along the way, sometimes in supernatural ways that will defy explanation or my human understanding. The key is allowing God to be as big as He is, and letting Him be in charge of ALL parts of my life, because He knows me and my needs better than I or anyone else ever could.

It's no coincidence that I've experienced so much of His divine healing, and so many other miraculous events, over the past year. He's wanted to confirm for me that, yes, He is not only real and all powerful, but very much concerned with every aspect of my daily life. He's revealed to me His power and constancy because He has a job for me to do in this earthly realm as a messenger and carrier of the light. I want nothing as much as I want to follow in the footsteps of Jesus and to delight my heavenly Father. I have no fear of death, and no more fear of living life to the full.

What worked for me

After attending a few services at the church I currently attend, I found myself yearning for whatever it was that so many of the young men and women on our praise and worship team have. The depth of their intimate relationships with God were palpable, and stirring. But I didn't want to just feel moved by the expression of someone else. I wanted my own personal version. It didn't take long for me to realize that the format of the services was very intentionally designed to help worshipers learn to recognize the calling of the Holy Spirit. Going to church, for both myself and my teenage children, soon became a the most wonderful and vital part of our week.

What followed over the ensuing weeks and months I would now describe as a form of self-imposed total immersion therapy. It wasn't something I felt I had to do, or needed to do, but something I felt blissfully drawn to do. I sought ways to volunteer and get involved in some of the myriad ministries and groups in the church. My daughter and I joined the drama team. I got to know the core members of the ministerial staff. If there was a special teaching series or a new film screening, I was there. 

The love I began to feel for my brothers and sisters in Christ was overwhelming. I soon found myself desiring to spend more time in prayer and bible study, and less time allowing my mind to be flooded with impure images and language through the media. I put my radio on a station that played only uplifting Christian music, and have left it there. I observed my kids following suit, of their own accord. Before long, I realized what I'd always heard was true, that if one actively seeks to know and be close to God, He will respond and run to meet you where you are. It's exactly what the parable of the prodigal son is meant to convey. God is just waiting and longing for us to come home to Him.

A thought for today

Being "religious" should never be a goal. Life's about ever growing into the god part of yourself, and whatever gets you there is good in God's sight. Whatever impedes or discourages you is NOT good in His sight. If you find yourself in a dead church out of tradition or habit, if you're participating in led rituals you could do in your sleep, or if you're just BORED and sleep, get up! Go somewhere else! God is not dead! - LJB

To say that I've experienced a spiritual awakening or revival over the past two years would be understating an understatement. It's been one that's gained momentum, and has reached a place where it's difficult to consider the mundane matters of life. My hope is that getting some of these thoughts out of my head, and putting them in writing, is a good way to ensure that I at least bathe, tidy up my house, and keep us all fed and where we're supposed to be at any given time. I've always believed that God exists. To believe otherwise makes absolutely no sense to me, and the rationalizations of people much more intellectually developed than myself has never been able to alter that. I've found those sorts of thoughts and ruminations to be either the height of arrogance, a manifestation of intense fear, or both. Maybe for some it's just a matter of being "unexperienced."

Up until a couple of years ago, God has seemed distant and a bit fuzzy. In my head, there was this image of a large entity in a blue sky, with his head obscured by clouds. He had on a white robe, and was sitting on a throne of some sort, and there was an outer gate. It was actually little more than what I might have drawn as a young child who'd been told a little about God and heaven. And it wasn't even that big a place, more of a village floating in the sky. Totally unrealistic, I knew, but I had no better reference.  I could list God's attributes, but didn't have the sense of an intensely personal relationship with Him, nor did I think it was possible for any human being to be that close to a holy God, until they were dead. But I can say today that the Lord is greater, more powerful, more loving, and more fully present with me than I can describe with my earthly vocabulary. And His angels are always near me, helping to carry out His will in my life. Even as I write this, there are God thoughts pouring out from my hands that amaze me.

Many things have contributed to this transformation I'm witnessing in my life.  None is more important than the other. They're all miraculous, and it's the cumulative effect that makes it overwhelming. I find myself asking, "Why is God performing so many unexplainable acts in MY life? Why isn't He spreading it around a little more, when there are so many people around me who need confirmation just as much?" But I also know it's not my place to question God work, except to ask Him to help me understand what this work in me is about, and where it's heading. I know I have to accept that He'll reveal to me as much as I need to know at the proper time, and for now my primary role is learning to recognize His leading and His voice. I have to say, it does get easier by the day. He places people, opposing thoughts, and situations in my path that demand a response from me in one way or another. He's training me to act and react in love, creating ripples, with me as a willing (but rather leaky) conduit.