The Coming 2011

As the new year approaches, I find myself longing for a change in the way I deal with life, the world, my household, and my ministry to others. The overall theme, I believe, would have to be "simplification." I've wrestled for so long with aspects of my personality that combine to keep me immobilized more often than not. I've been the woman of the bright ideas that never materialize, the woman of great potential who never figures out how to finish things that get started. My mind is all over the place, and part of that has to do with non-acceptance of myself as God knows and wants me to be. I've struggled too much with trying to measure up to the standards of the world and the expectations of other people I view as important. Sure, I might have an I.Q., the education, or ability to be some high-powered leader in this field or that, but the reality is that I don't want to be. Those sorts of pursuits don't make me happy, don't allow for my physical and psychical limitations, and just don't matter enough to be consuming so much of my thought processes.

So, what does really matter to me? What's critical and worthy of my attention and dedication? When I really think about it with a clear head, the answer's pretty easy: 1) my relationship with God; 2) attending to my physical and mental health; 3) the health and overall well-being of my children; 4) making prudent choices in regard to my future; 5) doing meaningful work by helping others most in need. Paring it all down to those five areas means there's also a list of things I need to let fall by the wayside. Even though this might not be easy for me to implement, I can pretty easily come up with a list of things that definitely need to go, or need to take up a lot less of my time and attention: 1) time spent online without purpose; 2) involving myself in things that aren't my purview and/or areas of strength; 3) reading or listening to things that never fail to get me agitated to the point of perseverating and giving time over to response (such as political commentary); 4) starting new, time-consuming ventures, and purchasing items in support of them, on a whim.

This is a good start. Following my own guidelines, as they're listed above, feels very right, and is in keeping with my self-imposed goal of simplifying life. I feel confident that I will achieve more in the way of those things that make me feel spiritually grounded and successful in the eyes of my Father if I follow this plan. He's shown me what truly matters to Him, and why He put me here. If I listen to His voice (which I'm learning more and more how to recognize), I know He'll make my paths clear. He'll provide for me all along the way, sometimes in supernatural ways that will defy explanation or my human understanding. The key is allowing God to be as big as He is, and letting Him be in charge of ALL parts of my life, because He knows me and my needs better than I or anyone else ever could.

It's no coincidence that I've experienced so much of His divine healing, and so many other miraculous events, over the past year. He's wanted to confirm for me that, yes, He is not only real and all powerful, but very much concerned with every aspect of my daily life. He's revealed to me His power and constancy because He has a job for me to do in this earthly realm as a messenger and carrier of the light. I want nothing as much as I want to follow in the footsteps of Jesus and to delight my heavenly Father. I have no fear of death, and no more fear of living life to the full.

What worked for me

After attending a few services at the church I currently attend, I found myself yearning for whatever it was that so many of the young men and women on our praise and worship team have. The depth of their intimate relationships with God were palpable, and stirring. But I didn't want to just feel moved by the expression of someone else. I wanted my own personal version. It didn't take long for me to realize that the format of the services was very intentionally designed to help worshipers learn to recognize the calling of the Holy Spirit. Going to church, for both myself and my teenage children, soon became a the most wonderful and vital part of our week.

What followed over the ensuing weeks and months I would now describe as a form of self-imposed total immersion therapy. It wasn't something I felt I had to do, or needed to do, but something I felt blissfully drawn to do. I sought ways to volunteer and get involved in some of the myriad ministries and groups in the church. My daughter and I joined the drama team. I got to know the core members of the ministerial staff. If there was a special teaching series or a new film screening, I was there. 

The love I began to feel for my brothers and sisters in Christ was overwhelming. I soon found myself desiring to spend more time in prayer and bible study, and less time allowing my mind to be flooded with impure images and language through the media. I put my radio on a station that played only uplifting Christian music, and have left it there. I observed my kids following suit, of their own accord. Before long, I realized what I'd always heard was true, that if one actively seeks to know and be close to God, He will respond and run to meet you where you are. It's exactly what the parable of the prodigal son is meant to convey. God is just waiting and longing for us to come home to Him.